Leadership Skills in the Workplace

Building Rapport

LEADERSHIP BRIEFS

16 Building Rapport

Objective

Learn to establish rapport and work more successfully with challenging others

Lesson

Do you sometimes need to interact closely with someone you don’t know well? Most people do. The person may be new on the job, they may be a naturally quieter, more reserved person, or they may be someone who does not fully like or trust you.

In all these situations it is necessary to create rapport (connection) with that person if any significant interaction is going to take place. This can be achieved by paying close attention to how rapport is established and how to accelerate the process. Rapport is a critical first step in developing a level of trust that allows meaningful collaboration to proceed.

Rapport is built on many small and subtle behaviors of which we are often unaware. A good communicator who is skilled at rapport building will either naturally or consciously MATCH as many as possible of the following elements of the other person’s behavior. This is sometimes referred to as “pacing.” Here are some of those elements that are matched by people who have good rapport.

Posture – the position of the body, especially the legs and weight distribution, the arm and shoulder positions, and the inclination of the head.
Breathing – the rate and depth of the breathing.
Expression – the direction and movement of the gaze.
Voice – pitch, volume, pace, and type of words used.
Language – auditory, visual, or feelings.

The level of trust and communication between people is increased as these small behaviors are synchronized.

Many of the above elements may be obvious, but one element could use some elaboration: language. What is auditory, visual, and feeling language? This refers to the choice of words and images the speaker uses, for example:

Visual language would include expressions like: I see what you mean; things are looking up; the outlook is poor; I look forward to seeing you; I’m seeing red; we’re cleared to move ahead. These phrases all refer to visual cues, color, and point of view.

By contrast, auditory expressions include: Tell me how you are doing; I hear you; we’re in harmony; I tell myself it’s going to work; that task is screaming for attention. These expressions are based on auditory images.

A third type of language is referred to as feeling because these expressions have to do with touch, movement, emotion, and kinesthetics: Get in touch with him; we’ve got a handle on it; I was so moved; let’s firm this up; hold on for a minute.

The more the person who wants to build greater rapport uses the same imagery as the other, matching words, tonality, body posture and the elements defined above, the faster rapport will be created.

Slight changes in behavior on the part of one person, to better “match” with the other, builds rapport rather quickly. Once rapport is better established you will have more success in collaborating with the other and will be better able to influence them.

Questions for Discussion

1. Can using rapport-building in a conscious way, as described in this Brief, be considered manipulation? If so, under what conditions would you believe it to be an acceptable or useful strategy?

2. Give an example of a time when you have had difficulty establishing rapport with someone? Were you able to work well with that person or what happened in that relationship?

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